Dead Men Tell No Tales
by NerdySkeleton
Summary: Arr! Avast ye, matey! Come aboard an' hear a tale of dastardly pirates, cruelty, romance, humor, an' beautiful vessels waitin' to set sail across that great body o' water! Yet a tale of darkness this be. Caution to you landlubbers. Ye be warned.


Valkyrie Cain frowned. Thurid Guild and Remus Crux kept whispering and looking at her. This made her rather uncomfortable. Crux was holding an old looking letter, stained with water and ink blots.

Skulduggery Pleasant, beside her, remained oblivious to what Valkyrie was feeling. He pushed his black hair back out of his emerald green eyes, watching and staring at all the people bustling around at a pier near Dublin City.

Tanith Low stood in front of her long sword, concealing it from the regular passersby. She got a few gawks from men who would rather spend their whole day staring at her tight leather fitted body.

Ghastly Bespoke was quick to glare away the men who were staring at Tanith. He was a protective husband, now wasn't he? His façade had gotten more natural looking, so at least he didn't get stares from his waxy skin or the crazy scars.

Fletcher Renn was trying to get away from the hoard of pigeons that was following him, since he fed them a piece of stale bread a few hours ago. He'd already been bird crapped on twice.

China Sorrows stood solemnly, _really_ trying to ignore the people that kept staring at her and her beautiful face. Wearing an ugly hat did nothing to disguise her gorgeous face.

Kenspeckle Grouse sat on a wooden box that the Sanctuary was bringing with them, tired and cranky as usual. Clarabelle was right next to him, standing up and occasionally breaking out into a quiet song from a musical. Oh, that Clarabelle.

"They're coming up, everyone!" Guild announced, pointing across the sea to a normal looking sail boat. Two people were manning it.

Crux folded the piece of paper that he had been looking at and stuffed it into his coat. He picked up his old bag and stood at the ready. He cast a strange glance towards Skulduggery as the former skeleton reached for Valkyrie's hand to grip it tight. The boat kept sailing closely to the dock, and when it arrived, a woman stepped off the side and let everyone on. She climbed back on and motioned for the male with her to steer the ship around.

He reached up to the wheel with his feet, strangely enough, and turned the boat away. Crux instantly got a sickly green hue to his face. Guild remained sitting straight, grabbing onto the side of the boat every few minutes. Tanith had plopped down on Ghastly's lap, for there was no more room left, and the same happened to Valkyrie and Skulduggery. Kenspeckle kept shooting the partners a dirty look when he saw Skulduggery's hand lower than it should be. (Though she was well over the _legal _age, he was so picky about their public displays of affection.) Clarabelle looked out at the moving sea in awe, while Fletcher stared at the guy who used his feet as his hands.

They sailed for quite a while, perhaps a few hours. The feet guy kept singing and humming every few minutes, but the woman would silence him.

"So…" Fletcher finally mumbled. "Why does he use his feet for hands?" he asked the woman.

She shrugged and was about to answer, but the guy cut in, "Why do you use your hands for feet?" His voice was rough, with a joking tone in it.

Fletcher paused. "But…Wait, what?"

The guy cackled for a few minutes, smiling brightly, staring into the sun.

"You'll go blind, Elmer," the woman said. She had a tough face and a muscled body.

"It only hurts to look at the moon," Elmer-the-Feet-Guy replied. "The sun is so calming, with its explosive solar flares that could completely wreck our universe, huh? I bet someone is up there, inside the sun, working it. What would happen if he fell asleep and the sun died?"

"We'd die," Crux answered tiredly.

"Fun!"

The tough woman rolled her eyes and suddenly stood up. "East!" she shouted, and Elmer-the-Feet-Guy jerked the small boat to the east, and they kept sailing.

The boat, after many more hours of sailing, and Elmer-the-Feet-Guy continuing about the dying sun and how they'd all die with it, came to a stop by a huge rock.

The tough looking woman stood up grandly and reaching into a deep pocket on her long coat, and she produced a clean, silver whistle. She put it to her lips and a high pitched shriek resounded from it. It echoed all around the small little boat, and Elmer-the-Feet-Guy began rolling around on the floor of the ship, clutching his head with his own feet. Man, he was flexible. When the woman stopped her whistle blowing, Elmer-the-Feet-Guy pulled out his own whistle, and this time, it was like a deep roar.

The low blow echoed around, hitting the huge rock and the boat all around.

Suddenly, the rock began to fade away. Its gray exterior melted away gradually, revealing a huge, grand, wooden pirate ship.

A figure at the very top of ship, situated precariously on the lookout deck, waved his arms like he was crazy.

"SAAAAAALLY," he shouted happily, swinging a sword in a huge, and rather dangerous, arc.

The woman stood up tiredly, and she saluted another figure who stumbled over to the edge of the ship and threw over a ladder.

"Up you all go," the woman said with a slightly menacing tone. Guild went first, followed by Crux, Ghastly, Tanith, Fletcher, Kenspeckle, Clarabelle, Valkyrie, and then Skulduggery. The woman and Elmer-the-Feet-Guy finally came up last, and the woman pulled the ladder up. They all formed a little group off to the side, and watched as three men lined up. The woman took her place on the left. Elmer-the-Feet-Guy bounced over to the right on his hands, his feet hanging freely in the air. The five crew members instantly stood at attention when they all heard loud, clunking footsteps resound from the other side of the ship. A grandly decorated door swung open the next moment. Inside the dark room, a man walked out. His long coat billowed around in the wind, and his flaming red hair blew around. Wisps of gray hair fell over his eyes, and he angrily brushed them away.

His boots stepped heavily across the old wooden floor of the ship. An antique watch jangled from his pockets. A rusty sword swung freely at his side. He patted Elmer-the-Feet-Guy's feet fondly, and went to stand in front of the assembled line.

No one spoke.

"Arr," the man said simply. "I expected ya ti be more…old."

Guild resisted growling at him. "We didn't expect such a small crew."

There was a sudden uproar at his comments. The crew members were growling and shouting phrases in tons of different languages.

"Arr!" the man shouted. "I don' think he mean' it. You'll get ya turn at 'im if 'e says somethin' like tha' 'gain."

He turned his strong gaze toward the group.

"My apologies," Guild croaked after receiving glares from the crew.

The man had sufficiently calmed down Elmer-the-Feet Guy when he turned to face Guild suddenly.

"Ya'll be stayin' with us ti catch them criminals, huh?" the man said.

Everyone nodded.

"Arr," he said happily. "I be Captain Bernard, and this be my ship, The Dirty Manta."

He paused and gave a salute to a bumbling man, who saluted back and moseyed on over to the steering wheel. He gave it a great spun and heaved a great swig from a glass bottle by his feet. Two men ran over to the sails and opened them up, letting the wind catch the fabric.

The ship began moving.

Captain Bernard turned back to all of them.

"Welcome aboard, mateys."

* * *

Yes. It's pirates.

Yes. It will get better as time goes on.

Yes. I am going to have so much fun with their accents.

But can you understand what they're saying? If you can't, PLEASE let me know, so I can just make it like everyone is speaking like a normal person, but you have to promise me you'll read it like a pirate XD

Ha, I hope you liked it and thanks for reading! An update should be…sometime. I dunno with this. Sorry for any mistakes! :DD


End file.
